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Post by Jazz on Jul 18, 2006 8:19:17 GMT 1
i'm getting lots of jokes...so i've decided to share them with you... i love this one... here's another one Big People Words A class of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on "NO baby talk!" "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend? I went to visit my Nana." No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big people' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done "I took a ride on a choo-choo." She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words." She then asked little Nolan what he had done? I read a book," he replied. That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Nolan thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, "Winnie the s***."
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Post by Jazz on Jul 21, 2006 12:44:02 GMT 1
Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong? Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right? Customer: Yeah. Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using? Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen..... Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one.
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. Customer: No... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry...
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male Customer: Hello... I can't print. Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and... Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
Customer: I have problems printing in red... Tech support: Do you have a color printer? Customer: Aaaah.................... thank you.
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work
Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
Customer: I can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars.
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
And last but not least... Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: I don't have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: "P"... on your keyboard, Bob. Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!
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Post by iain on Jul 21, 2006 13:46:27 GMT 1
A duck goes into a bar and asks "have you got any fish?"
The barman replies "We're a pub, we serve drinks - we don't sell fish"
The duck says "Oh, ok" and leaves.
The duck comes back the next day and asks
"have you got any fish?"
The barman says "I've told you once, we're a pub, we don't serve fish"
The duck says "Oh, ok" and leaves
The duck asks the same again on the third day, the barman replies
"I'm sick of this, I've told you we don't serve fish, if you ask again I'll nail your beak to the bar"
So the duck leaves.
On the fourth day the duck goes into the bar and asks
"Have you got any nails?"
The barman says "No" and the duck says
"Good, have you got any fish?"
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Post by iain on Jul 25, 2006 14:39:31 GMT 1
OK, so they're old but I never tire of reading this sort of stuff:
Below are actual insurance claim form gaffes. These are the collection made by Norwich Union for their annual Christmas mag.....
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were: Q - What warning was given by you? A - Horn Q - What warning was given by the other party? A - Moo
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.
"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."
"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."
"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"
"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
"I thought my window was down, but I found out it wasn't when I put my head through it".
"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way".
"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face".
"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car".
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."
"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
"I am sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."
"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him."
"I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the roof of my car"
"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth"
"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
The following extracts are perfectly genuine - taken from actual letters sent to the DHSS (Social Security). Although rather crude, they are written in good faith by the senders.
* Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
* Can you please tell me when our repairs are going to be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother.
* I want some repairs doing to my cooker as it backfired and burnt my knob off.
* The toilet is blocked and we can't bath the children until it is cleared.
* The man next door has a large erection in his back garden which is unsightly and dangerous.
* Will you please send someone to mend our broken path as my wife tripped and fell on it and she is now pregnant.
* Our kitchen floor is very damp and we have two children and we would like a third so will you please send somebody round to do something about it.
* Would you please repair our toilet. My son pulled the chain and the box fell on his head.
* Mrs. Smith has no clothes and has had none for over a year. The clergy have been visiting her........
* In reply to your letter, I have already cohabited with your officer with no results so far.
* I am pleased to inform you that my husband who was reported missing, is dead.
* Mrs. Adams has asked me to collect her money as she is going in to hospital to have her overtures out.
* Sir, I am forwarding my marriage certificate and two children - one of which is a mistake as you will see.
* My husband is diabetic and has to take insolence regular but he finds he is lethargic to it.
* Unless I get my husbands maintenance money soon I shall be obliged to live an immortal life.
* The children have been off school because there is a lot of measles about and I had them humanised.
* Please forward my money at once as I have fallen into errors with my landlord and milkman.
* You have changed my little boy into a little girl. Will this matter?
* Mrs Brown only THINKS she's ill, but believe me she is nothing but a hypodermic.
* In accordance with your instructions I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
* I want my sick pay quick. I have been in bed under the doctor for a week and he is doing me no good. If things don't improve I shall get another doctor.
* I do not get any money from my son. He is in the army and his regiment is at present manuring on Salisbury plain.
* Milk is wanted for my baby and the father is unable to supply it.
* Re your dental enquiry. The teeth on top are alright but those on my bottom are hurting dreadfully.
* I am very annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate. This is a lie as I married his father a week before he was born.
* I am sorry I omitted to put down all my children's names. This was due to contraceptional circumstances.
* This is to let you know there is a smell coming from the man next door.
* The toilet seat is cracked - where do I stand?
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Post by CAKE on Jul 25, 2006 14:47:27 GMT 1
oh Iain keep em coming them lot made me laugh so much
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Post by Jazz on Jul 25, 2006 16:25:02 GMT 1
Iain....omg you have my entire office SILENT as they sit here reading these jokes...SEND ME MORE!! i've never managed to have the kids quiet
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Post by Jazz on Jul 26, 2006 8:08:47 GMT 1
A husband was in BIG trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.
Tomorrow," his wife angrily told him, "there had better be something in our driveway that goes from zero to 200 in two seconds flat!"
The next morning, the wife looked outside and saw a small package in the driveway. She brought it inside, opened it, and found a brand new bathroom scale. Funeral services for her husband have been set for Saturday.
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Post by iain on Jul 28, 2006 10:39:54 GMT 1
Blind guy on a barstool shouts to the bartender "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
"The BARTENDER is blond, the BOUNCER is blond and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blond with a black belt in karate. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2," weighs 225 and he's a rugby player," he continues, "The fella to your right is 6'5" and pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blond. Think about it, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
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Post by iain on Aug 1, 2006 10:57:38 GMT 1
This photo has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress level at Saint Mary's Hospital. Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study of a group revealed that in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical, a person under stress would find differences in the two dolphins. If there are many differences found between both dolphins, it means that the person is experiencing a great amount of stress. Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you may want to take a vacation. Click below to see the picture. www.iainsykes.net/stress.jpg
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Post by CAKE on Aug 1, 2006 13:03:52 GMT 1
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by iain on Aug 4, 2006 10:53:22 GMT 1
Beware of the silly Friday Joke:-
There are two Mexicans who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree off in the distance.
As they get closer they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts.
"Hey, Pepe" says the first bloke, "Ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"
"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.
His friend quickly drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Pepe.
"Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"
With his dying breath Pepe calls out...."Ugh, run, amigo, run!! Ees not a Bacon Tree!"
...
...
...
...
"Ees... a.... Ham bush"
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Post by Jazz on Aug 4, 2006 12:23:39 GMT 1
A Fart joke... Revenge Is Sweet There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years. Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance. "You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained. After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse. While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream. Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs. "You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!" and this one...
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Post by Jazz on Aug 7, 2006 8:10:50 GMT 1
Nursery Rhymes for big kids: Mary had a little pig, She kept it fat and plastered; And when the price of pork went up, She shot the little b*****d.
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, Between two hunks of bread.
JACK AND JILL Went up the hill To have a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill And now they have a son.
SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the Pie man, "What have you got there?" Said the Pie man unto Simon, "Pies, you dumb #$%!"
HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings' horses, And all the kings' men. Had scrambled eggs, For breakfast again.
HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle, All over the bedside clock. The little dog laughed to see such fun. Then died of electric shock.
GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie, Kissed the girls and made them cry. And when the boys came out to play, He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
There was a little girl who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good. But when she was bad........ She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
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Post by Jazz on Aug 10, 2006 9:11:01 GMT 1
something to do in a supermarket if you are bored
12 March 2005
Jon Walker Store Manager Kmart store 4855 Summit Ridge, Reno, NV, 89503
Mrs. Fenton 35 Rasmussen Street Moores Park, Reno, NV, 89503
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
During the preceding 6 months our security staff has been monitoring your husbands activities while in our store. The list below details his offences, all of which have been verified by our surveillance cameras and we have retained copies on tape.
We have repeatedly given your husband verbal warnings while he is in this store and he has subsequently ignored them. He replied to these warning with rudeness and the response “while the wife shops here I will come here too”. We are therefore forced to ban you, your husband and your family from this store.
The following list details your husbands activates in this store over the past six months.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares and watched what
happened. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay-buy. September 14: Moved a 'Caution -WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite the in if they'll bring pillows. September 23: If any staff offers him assistance he begins to cry and asks, “Why can't you people just leave me alone?” October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it a mirror, and picked his nose. November 10: While in the gun department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna Look" using different size funnels. December 18: Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO!
NO! It's those voices again!" December 23: Went in the fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
John F. Walker Store Manager
Kmart store 4855 Store Phone: (775) 746-4700 SUMMIT RIDGE, RENO, NV, 89503 Pharmacy Phone: (775) 746-3030
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Post by iain on Aug 10, 2006 10:08:42 GMT 1
Another old joke worth another airing:-
Games to brighten up your day in the office -
New Office Olympics: Give them a whirl.
ONE-POINT GAGS
Run one lap around the office at top speed.
Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way."
In the middle of a meeting, suddenly shout out "Yahtzee!"
Walk sideways to the photocopier.
While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
THREE-POINT GAGS
Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it."
Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
FIVE POINT GAGS
At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.
Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number two."
After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamacian accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.
While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damm it, all of you just shut up!"
At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
In a male colleagues diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights."
Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"
Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now"
While talking to a colleague, pick your nose.
Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it."
Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
Tuck one pant leg into your sock and when queried, answer, "not now" and walk away.
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Post by CAKE on Aug 10, 2006 11:56:35 GMT 1
Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle I've done that lololololol.............................. There was no cups!!! I was really thirsty... no one saw though
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Post by iain on Aug 15, 2006 13:53:11 GMT 1
Somebody sent me this useful translation chart. After all these years I finally realise what the fairer sex are talking about...Doh!!
WOMEN'S ENGLISH 1. Yes = No 2. No = Yes 3. Maybe = No 4. We need = I want.. 5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry 6. We need to talk = I need to complain 7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to 8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later 9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron! 10. Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead 11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me 12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs 13. You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot 14. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive 15. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now 16. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? 17. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV 18. How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like
* Iain presses the "post" button and runs for cover *
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Post by Jazz on Aug 16, 2006 7:49:20 GMT 1
Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House. The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?"
George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a quickie this morning?"
"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims. "How rude! You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second term of office for a year!" As the waitress storms away.
Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers...
"It's pronounced 'quiche', you nitwit".
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Post by Grace W on Aug 18, 2006 15:16:52 GMT 1
I just got this by e-mail. Thought would brighten your day
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter . "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't! you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the mother says, "I just gave him some ant killer." .... Dispatcher: Rush him in to the emergency room!
Life is tough... it's tougher if you're stupid.
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Post by Skinny Minnie! on Aug 24, 2006 8:43:39 GMT 1
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, and then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign!
Oh and?
Only in Britain?can a pizza arrive before an ambulance, Only in Britain?do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front, Only in Britain?do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries and DIET coke, Only in Britain?do banks leave their front doors open and chain the pens to the counters, Only in Britain?do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mowers in the garage, Only in Britain?are there disabled spaces in front of an ice rink, Only in Britain?do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we wont miss a call from someone we didn't want to speak to in the first place. Not to mention?
3 brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue, 142 brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all the pins from new shirts, 58 brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers, 19 brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate, 31 brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas trees while the fairy lights were plugged in, British hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling incidents, 101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled from the soles of their feet, 18 people had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth, A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening beer bottles with their teeth, 5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scaletrix cars, And finally in 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.
Proud to be British!!!!
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